Funny Non Veg Jokes in English Latest 2016 , Dirty Jokes for WhatsApp

Top English Non Veg Jokes Collection

Pati Suhaag Raat Ke Din Patni Ko 

Chodne Se Pahle Bhagwan Se Praathna Karta Hai

Pati: “Hey Bhagwan Mein Pahli Baar 

Suhag Raat Manane Ja Raha Hoon Mujhe Exprience Dena”

Patni Apne Pati Ki Prathna Sunte Hi Boli.

Patni: “Suno Ji Aap Kewal Bhagwan Se 

Takt Mango Exprience Mere Paas Bahut Hai“

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Saat Doston Ki Suhagraat Ke Agle Din, Vo Apni Apni Wife Ke Bare Mein Baatein Share Kar Rahe Thhe

1st Bola: “Meri Biwi To 1110, Jese Marzi Usse Karo”

2nd Bola: “Meri Biwi 3310 Nikli, 36 Saal Ka Purana Model”

3rd Bola: “Meri Biwi N95, Zara Pyar Se Chalana Padta Hai”

4th Bola: “Meri Biwi To Blackberry Hai, Got Everything But Complicated”

5th Bola: “Meri Biwi Double Sim Hai Kabhi Aage Dalo Kabi Peechey”

6th Bola: “Meri Biwi Saali China Ka Mobile Nikli, Pehli Raat Main Choot Phat Gayi”

7th Bechara Rote Hue Bola: “Oye Yaro Main To Lut Gaya, Barbaad Ho Gaya Mera Set Khula Hua Nikla“

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Nayi Dulhan Ko Dulhe Ne Suhagrat Pe Muh Dikhai Ke Rs 25,000 Diye.

Dulhan Itne Sare Paise Dekh Kar Ghabra Ke Boli.

Dulhan: “Suno Ji Pura Khandaan Thokega Kya?“

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Man to wife: Business is bad, if YOU learn TO cook we can remove servant.

Wife: If YOU learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman…

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 What is the difference between riding a bicycle & riding a woman?
Riding a bicycle u fix your ass & move your legs.
Riding a woman YOU fix ur legs & move YOUR  Ass!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Girl goes TO repair umbrella.
Umbrella man says:- Upper cloth has to be removed and rod has to b inserted.
Girl says:- Do any thing but water shouldn’t go in !!!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 What bitches say during Sex – English Bitch – Oh yes, Oh Yes!!!!!!!!!!
American Bitch – Yeah Baby, Yeah Baby!!!!!!!!!
Pakistani Bitch – Ahista Abboo……AMMI JAAG jayegi !!!!!!!!!! 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad
Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
‘COKE’ ‘PEPSI’
Sab Bakwas
“MARD Ki LASSI”
Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.
Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!
Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar
nahi lete maro mat!
Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala
karna kya hai?
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad
Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti
Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora
Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna
Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi
Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen
Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band
Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha
Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ek bus me Ladko & Ladkiyo ki team
Antakshari
Khel rahi thi
Girls Hum Tumko Harakar Hi
Dikhayenge,
Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA :- Hum
Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao

 Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pappu: Dad, today they taught
about Sex in the class.
Santa: Ok son.
Later he saw Pappu shaking his
penis, he asked what r u doing?
Pappu: Homework Dad…. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bar Girl Dancing, Public Claping
She Removes Her Top, More Claps
Removes Her Skirt, Louder Claps
Removes Her Bra N Panty, Total Silence ????
Moral : You Cant Clap With 1 Hand (Kyunki Ek Hath Se Kabhi Tali Nahi Bajti) 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Quote Of William Sexfear
In Today’s Relationship.
You Can Touch Each Other’s Private Parts,
But…
But You Can’t Touch Each Other’s Cell Phones.
Because They Are Sooooooooooo Private? 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Girl: Baba Aashirwad Do Ki Mere Boobs Bade Ho Jayein.
Baba: Tathastu.
Girl: And what about my ass?
Baba: ThatAsstoo! 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two ladies were talking;
Lady 1: Where are you going?
Lady 2: I am going to watch Fan in theatre, with my husband and you?
Lady 1: I am going for holidays with my husband. Wahan Bhi Din Raat Fan Hi Dekhna Hai! 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a Dead Man with a hard on, the 1st nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste", & rides him. The 2nd nurse does the same. The 3rd nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway.
Then the man sits up & the nurses apologies saying they thought he was dead.
The Man replies, "I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fuckin great!" 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Porn movies should come up with a disclaimer
"Please, don't try this alone". 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ITC has launched a new brand of cigarettes for women.
It's called ITC Queens...
It's the same size as the Kings but has bigger BUTTS! 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gandu:
You're predictable, yet reliable.
You can be expected to react to a situation in a familiar way,
9 times out of 10.
Also, you don't like jokes involving the butt-hole.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Son: Dad how was I born?
Dad: It's a long story.
Son: Tell me I wanna hear it.
Dad: Once upon a time,
it was a cold night and all the pharmacies were closed. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From 'buying balloon from gubbarewala'
to 'buying balloon from chemist', we all grew up, too much.
Happy Children's Day

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Breaking News:
After the overwhelming response to Tata Nano, Skoda is also coming up with a small car - and named it 'Lulli'.
Media: Why Lulli?
Skoda PR guy: Because our big car is called Laura!  

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Marwadi Suhag Raat Ko SEX Karte Hue: 

Thari, Bahut Loose Hai!
Biwi (Gusse se): Jaldi Nikalo Aur Meri Car, LCD, AC 

Aur Jewellery Bhi Vapas Karo.
Marwadi: Galti Ho Gayi, Maro Hi Patlo Hai!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Dear Dad,
Thanks for not using a condom.
Yours sincerely,
Your son!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sex Life and Coca-Cola
Two old friends meet after many years. 

They talk about their past life. One asks the other, 

"And how's your sex life?"
The other replied, "Same as Coca-Cola!"
The first asked, "Oh great! Full of vubbles, eh?"
The second replied, "Nothing like that... 

before it was 'Normal' then it became 

'Light' and now it is 'Zero'!"
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You can be a Doctor and Save lives;
You can be a Lawyer and Defend lives;
You can be a Soldier and Protect lives;
or
.
.
.
.
Remain a Fucker and create Lives!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sex is like Maths.
Add the bed;
Subtract the clothes;
Divide the legs;
And pray to God, you don't multiply!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Sex is good, sex is funny;
Many people fuck for money;
But if you think sex is funny;
Fuck yourself and save your money!